Two weeks ago, I was standing in my guest bedroom, up to my knees in cardboard boxes and dust.
Everything was there. The boxes of stuffed animals and Beanie Babies that have followed me from house to house since I was a kid. A bag of ancient, crumpled baby clothes my mom didnāt have it in her to throw out, and gave to me instead. These items held no promise of future use; at thirty years old, I wasnāt planning a Beanie renissance.
That day, I stood there, half-assedly moving things from one pile to the other, and decided, alright. I HAVE to do something with all of this.
To start? I knew I had to identify my own patterns.
Iām a chronic thrower-outerā¦ most of the time. I can get rid of things Iāve purchased for myself without a second thought. Donāt use it? Donāt need to keep it! Doesnāt work the way I want it to? Bye, Iāll look for a replacement next time Iām at Superstore.
The problem was (is) when I need to throw out something that someone has given me.
As a long-time fan of cleaning, purging, and TLC, there seem to be three zones we struggle with:
Zone 1
We donāt have a LOT of stuff, but we do not know how to organize it, and it’s everywhere right now.
Zone 2
We have so much stuff, we donāt know where to start organizing it.
Zone 3
We have stuff to get rid of, but we feel wasteful about throwing it away.
Yes, the keep / donate / recycle method TECHNICALLY works. But, in my experience, it does not work when you are emotionally attached to the item youāre trying to sort. Yes, I know I SHOULD donate this toy my great grandma gave me in 1992, but sheās dead now, and if I remove this toy from my life, I feel like Iāll be removing a piece of her, too. How am I supposed to sort that?
Getting over the hump of emotional attachment to physical objects is complicated. It doesnāt have a simple solution.
The more I sat in my guest bedroom and debated what I was going to do with these glassy-eyed teddy bears and boxes full of porcelain dolls, the worse I felt. Pontificating was getting me no where. I knew it would feel good to have a clean, empty storage space, but to get there, I would have to rip the bandaid off. Quick.
Hereās what I want you to know about getting rid of stuff.
ā Your belongings donāt want to sit alone in a box or bag for decades. Squirreling away old stuffed animals and childās toys not only defeats the purpose of owning the object, but takes the ability away from someone else to enjoy the item, too.
ā If you get overwhelmed or emotional while going through things, remember that you donāt have to tackle everything at once. Get a couple of Rubbermaids (or 6 or 7 or 10), and pile everything you know you need to go through in them. Once a week, or month, pull a Rubbermaid out, and go through it piece by piece.
ā The memory you have of the item isnāt attached to its physical presence in your life.Ā Ask yourself if youāre keeping the item because you want it, and can use it, or if itās because you feel indebted to the person who gave it to you.
ā Let yourself keep the Very Important Things, and donāt feel bad about that. Designate a space for your memories. Allow yourself to fill that shelf or box. I have one single Rubbermaid that I keep in my closet, and itās full of all kinds of crap that would look like junk to anyone that wasnāt me. Designate one space, and limit yourself to that.
ā Crossing unfinished business off of your āone dayā list will free up time and energy for future you. Recycle the project you never finished. The last time you looked at it, it was 2004. Donate the pants that no longer fit you well. Sell the jewelry you havenāt worn in ten years. Itās tarnished!
ā You wonāt flip that item, you wonāt sell it, and you wonāt give it to Brenda. If the book youāve been meaning to give to your sister for six months is still sitting by the front door, itās very unlikely that itās that important for her to read. Let the item, and your plans for that item, go.
Most of the emotions that we feel about physical belongings are tied up in memories. My best friend gave me that, this was the last thing he touched before he died, I remember how small you were when you made that for me.
Of course we do not have to throw everything out. There are lots of belongings and memories that we want to keep. But the tier two stuff, the things that are hoarded away in boxes and suitcases and bags, that we can let go.
To ease your emotional attachment to these items, hereās something I did:
First, I took pictures of every single item I was having a hard time parting with. All of them were benign in their memory – stuffed animals I remembered living in a pile on the top bunk of my bed. Archie Comics I read from cover to cover over and over again. VHS tapes full of Britney interviews from 2001.
Taking photos felt like I was collecting the items again. And at first, I didnāt know what I was going to do with them. Honestly? They languished on my laptop for years. And years. I sold the comics on Facebook Marketplace, recycled the tapes, and donated the stuffed animals. Each item went to a better home.
And then, years later, it hit me:
A PHOTOBOOK.
I used Mixbook to make mine. I kept it very simple, just one picture of each item per page, and then a quick caption underneath with a memory I had attached to the belonging. I won this at the fair in 1998; LEN was my favorite song that summer. Iām surprised I didnāt ruin these tapes playing them so much – Britney was all over TV that year. After school I would sit in the car and read two of these cover to cover, I think I still remember some of the gags.
Turning these items from a physical presence in my life to a paper one changed the game for me. I could see the item still – look, there it is, just like I remembered it. Except now, it felt like I was actually enjoying and honoring the item. My memory was right there! I could access it any time.
Here are some quick ideas on how to get rid of stuff without dumping it all at the thrift store:
ā Look up local organizations on Facebook. Message their page, and ask if thereās anything theyāre looking for in particular. This is a good way to donate clothing items, bedding, and like-new toys.
ā Winter jackets, blankets, cold weather items, and canned food can usually be donated to homeless or low-income shelters. Remember to only donate these items if theyāre in good, unexpired condition.
ā Dog rescues and shelters are often looking for blankets, towels, and comfort items, as well as used crates, leashes, etc.
ā You can donate mascara wands to small animal organizations.
ā At Christmas there are usually hamper drives for children in need. Toys new with tags, new clothing, and canned items are good for these kinds of events.
ā List bigger items on used sites first. I use Varage Sale, Used, and Facebook Marketplace a lot. Most buyers are happy to drop the cash under your door mat or in your mailbox if you leave the item outside. This is a nice passive way to move an item into a new home, and get a little coin in yo pocket in the process.
Getting rid of stuff is a really long process. You may have to go over the same pile multiple times, and it may take you weeks or month. But itās WORTH IT. Believe it!
READ THE NEXT POST IN THIS SERIES: HOW TO HELP OTHERS GET RID OF STUFF WHEN THEY’RE REALLY, REALLY BAD AT IT!
Pin to Pinterest?
Some great information however it would be so much more effective without the vulgar language.
Sorry to hear that, Vorene! This is part of how I write – if it doesn’t work for you, there’s definitely a content creator out there who will suit you better than I do š
I love this! I like the vulgar language too, it made me laugh! Also matched my own voice. š
Wait! There’s vulgar language? and I missed it? I’ll have to read more closely.
Thank you for your tips! I suffer from this and it was very helpful! I love the taking pics idea too! Great way to ākeep the memories aliveā without the stuff!
I am struggling with this now. I’m left with all my moms stuff and I keep holding on. She sold her house to my husband and I and past away 3 months later. She never packed her stuff up and I have kept the house the same. I said this is the year of the purge. ( not the movie lol) I want this house to be my own. Great idea with the photo book. I have all my childhood memories stuffed in closets and boxes that need to be let out.
I agree with the vulgar language complaints, and have read these very same ideas many, many times. Your article is nothing new and trashy. Know where else your dog’s tongue has been? Gross.
I donāt mind the language. Iāve read many of these articles and I think the tips are solid.
Enjoyed your article, donāt give in to the straight laced critics, continue in your entertaining informative style. It certainly has a peppery punch…now all I need to do is follow your excellent advice.
Liked your article. Wasn’t bothered by the language. I would have been pissed if the grammar and spelling were bad!
Love this! I have been working on minimizing but having trouble getting rid of the things from other people! It’s not like they would even know I got rid of it! Humans are so silly.
Great read and I love your blog design. Can’t wait to follow more of your posts
Thankyou for those tips!
I honestly needed them. I loved your idea of a photobook .
I’m a 65 yo G-ma, I express myself in the same manner. I like your approach to letting go. I’m on a purge mission. I am tackling ridding myself of a combination of my parents, including a step mom of over 50 years, my daughter’s, my grandfather’s that I raised, and my own carp. The photo book is an excellent idea. Final thought, fuck ’em, if they can’t take a joke.
I hate fucking auto correct! I raised my granddaughter, not my grandfather. But reminds me, I have some of his shot too.
I too, find the vulgar language unnecessary. With all that’s going on in the world today, why??? This could have been a nice and helpful post, but you trashed it!
I like the ideas of your artcle and will use them. Although not a prude, I have former students who read my pins, therefore I will use but not post. I still feel responsible for words/language. Thanks for some great ideas.
Gosh, if you donāt like the vulgar language, stop @ the first offense. Some folks just like to fuss. The article is what counts, the contents, ideas. All of which are funny and helpful. I feel as if I made a new friend šø
To the prudes who thought fuck was bad. Let me tell you this is 2018 and swearing is alive and well. Iām a senior citizen and Iāve heard it all. Iām surprised you know what these words are Iām sure you have a dictionary by your side. If you never fuck and you donāt own a cunt or a prick you will never understand as these words are our language like it or not. So fuck off you whinging cunt and hide under your rock.
Ok so I have been struggling for many years to let go, i have in the last 6 mo let a few things go, a lot to me but only a small dent in what I have. Your blog is nice, i also idn’t care much for the profanity but I got past it to see the real picture and in reality it just makes you that much more real than others and I certainly appreciate those true to themselves!
Taking photos has helped me so much. Your explanation of why is what was so nice to read and connect with. I struggle with letting things go because my mom has short term memory loss and I have a fear that I’ll forget….but the things will remind me. (Yes, I realize how unlogical that sounds. Haha). Man, I’m also glad that I’m not the only one emotionally tramatized by Toy Story…
Vulgar language! I find swearing clears the throat chakra! Definitely helps with
clearing out shit
Missing the point Jackwagons! The post is to help us fucking save our souls and the lives of our loved ones. If you donāt like the language, move on.
Thanks for the post, making me feel at home, & for keeping it real!
My inclination to identify with your insights on decluttering was impeded by your foul language.
When you’re done cleaning the material s*#t out of your life, clean up your mouth. Whatever obscene language we may feel inspired to use when confronted with our board or clutter does not need to pollute the airwaves.
Thank you šš» F$&@?$! Awesome!!! And yeah Toy Story – why!?!?!! I even have trouble with stuffed dog toys! If it has eyes , Iām screwed š
I found the article very interesting and with sound advice. The language part didn’t bother me. It’s part of every day Life. People shouldn’t be so quick to judge. I’m sure that those that did have things that are not perfect (like being judgemental). Great article and I can really use it. Going to start taking pictures now! Have a great one!
Thanks for the short & sweet post to get me started TODAY!! I love the idea of taking photos and making a photo book. Glad you can ignore the negativity of those who disagree with the the ? language. I was not offended by it but inspired.