Two weeks ago, I was standing in my guest bedroom, up to my knees in cardboard boxes and dust.
Everything was there. The boxes of stuffed animals and Beanie Babies that have followed me from house to house since I was a kid. A bag of ancient, crumpled baby clothes my mom didnât have it in her to throw out, and gave to me instead. These items held no promise of future use; at thirty years old, I wasnât planning a Beanie renissance.
That day, I stood there, half-assedly moving things from one pile to the other, and decided, alright. I HAVE to do something with all of this.
To start? I knew I had to identify my own patterns.
Iâm a chronic thrower-outer⌠most of the time. I can get rid of things Iâve purchased for myself without a second thought. Donât use it? Donât need to keep it! Doesnât work the way I want it to? Bye, Iâll look for a replacement next time Iâm at Superstore.
The problem was (is) when I need to throw out something that someone has given me.
As a long-time fan of cleaning, purging, and TLC, there seem to be three zones we struggle with:
Zone 1
We donât have a LOT of stuff, but we do not know how to organize it, and it’s everywhere right now.
Zone 2
We have so much stuff, we donât know where to start organizing it.
Zone 3
We have stuff to get rid of, but we feel wasteful about throwing it away.
Yes, the keep / donate / recycle method TECHNICALLY works. But, in my experience, it does not work when you are emotionally attached to the item youâre trying to sort. Yes, I know I SHOULD donate this toy my great grandma gave me in 1992, but sheâs dead now, and if I remove this toy from my life, I feel like Iâll be removing a piece of her, too. How am I supposed to sort that?
Getting over the hump of emotional attachment to physical objects is complicated. It doesnât have a simple solution.
The more I sat in my guest bedroom and debated what I was going to do with these glassy-eyed teddy bears and boxes full of porcelain dolls, the worse I felt. Pontificating was getting me no where. I knew it would feel good to have a clean, empty storage space, but to get there, I would have to rip the bandaid off. Quick.
Hereâs what I want you to know about getting rid of stuff.
â Your belongings donât want to sit alone in a box or bag for decades. Squirreling away old stuffed animals and childâs toys not only defeats the purpose of owning the object, but takes the ability away from someone else to enjoy the item, too.
â If you get overwhelmed or emotional while going through things, remember that you donât have to tackle everything at once. Get a couple of Rubbermaids (or 6 or 7 or 10), and pile everything you know you need to go through in them. Once a week, or month, pull a Rubbermaid out, and go through it piece by piece.
â The memory you have of the item isnât attached to its physical presence in your life. Ask yourself if youâre keeping the item because you want it, and can use it, or if itâs because you feel indebted to the person who gave it to you.
â Let yourself keep the Very Important Things, and donât feel bad about that. Designate a space for your memories. Allow yourself to fill that shelf or box. I have one single Rubbermaid that I keep in my closet, and itâs full of all kinds of crap that would look like junk to anyone that wasnât me. Designate one space, and limit yourself to that.
â Crossing unfinished business off of your âone dayâ list will free up time and energy for future you. Recycle the project you never finished. The last time you looked at it, it was 2004. Donate the pants that no longer fit you well. Sell the jewelry you havenât worn in ten years. Itâs tarnished!
â You wonât flip that item, you wonât sell it, and you wonât give it to Brenda. If the book youâve been meaning to give to your sister for six months is still sitting by the front door, itâs very unlikely that itâs that important for her to read. Let the item, and your plans for that item, go.
Most of the emotions that we feel about physical belongings are tied up in memories. My best friend gave me that, this was the last thing he touched before he died, I remember how small you were when you made that for me.
Of course we do not have to throw everything out. There are lots of belongings and memories that we want to keep. But the tier two stuff, the things that are hoarded away in boxes and suitcases and bags, that we can let go.
To ease your emotional attachment to these items, hereâs something I did:
First, I took pictures of every single item I was having a hard time parting with. All of them were benign in their memory – stuffed animals I remembered living in a pile on the top bunk of my bed. Archie Comics I read from cover to cover over and over again. VHS tapes full of Britney interviews from 2001.
Taking photos felt like I was collecting the items again. And at first, I didnât know what I was going to do with them. Honestly? They languished on my laptop for years. And years. I sold the comics on Facebook Marketplace, recycled the tapes, and donated the stuffed animals. Each item went to a better home.
And then, years later, it hit me:
A PHOTOBOOK.
I used Mixbook to make mine. I kept it very simple, just one picture of each item per page, and then a quick caption underneath with a memory I had attached to the belonging. I won this at the fair in 1998; LEN was my favorite song that summer. Iâm surprised I didnât ruin these tapes playing them so much – Britney was all over TV that year. After school I would sit in the car and read two of these cover to cover, I think I still remember some of the gags.
Turning these items from a physical presence in my life to a paper one changed the game for me. I could see the item still – look, there it is, just like I remembered it. Except now, it felt like I was actually enjoying and honoring the item. My memory was right there! I could access it any time.
Here are some quick ideas on how to get rid of stuff without dumping it all at the thrift store:
â Look up local organizations on Facebook. Message their page, and ask if thereâs anything theyâre looking for in particular. This is a good way to donate clothing items, bedding, and like-new toys.
â Winter jackets, blankets, cold weather items, and canned food can usually be donated to homeless or low-income shelters. Remember to only donate these items if theyâre in good, unexpired condition.
â Dog rescues and shelters are often looking for blankets, towels, and comfort items, as well as used crates, leashes, etc.
â You can donate mascara wands to small animal organizations.
â At Christmas there are usually hamper drives for children in need. Toys new with tags, new clothing, and canned items are good for these kinds of events.
â List bigger items on used sites first. I use Varage Sale, Used, and Facebook Marketplace a lot. Most buyers are happy to drop the cash under your door mat or in your mailbox if you leave the item outside. This is a nice passive way to move an item into a new home, and get a little coin in yo pocket in the process.
Getting rid of stuff is a really long process. You may have to go over the same pile multiple times, and it may take you weeks or month. But itâs WORTH IT. Believe it!
READ THE NEXT POST IN THIS SERIES: HOW TO HELP OTHERS GET RID OF STUFF WHEN THEY’RE REALLY, REALLY BAD AT IT!
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So many people are hating about the language. Move past it if you don’t like it. I, however appreciate it. And your article spoke to me. This is how I’ve felt for the last 8 years. I’m now 27 and stuck with stuff my mother drops off at my house that she thinks I want.. lol
I think you may have just given me the baby steps I need to get control of my house. I do exactly that. I know you need to be ruthless to purge stuff you don’t use, and until I do that I can’t really clean my house to the point of feeling like I can host family holiday gatherings. I’m always torn between the it’s too good to throw away, but if I send it to Goodwill what will they do with it, thank you
your update about the language made me want to read this more! great advice, too! i’m in the middle of a clear out and this helped.
I fucking love this! Thank you!
Thank you so much for writing this. It’s just the kick in the pants I need.
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Your point about letting go of the emotional attachment is the crux of the matter. Was just chatting with friends about letting things go
and brought up that very point. Having moved several times over the last 20 years or so, it got pretty easy to let go especially since the spaces
got smaller and smaller. I figured with the last big move that the family treasures had to be passed on anyways, might as well do it now. Had a niece who just came into the family that hadn’t had anything from my side of the family yet, so I cheerfully packed up a bunch of stuff and drove several hours to meet her. It was a lovely weekend.
This is my story. Iâm glad to have found this page. My sister is moving into the house I shared with my mother for over 40 years. The attachments are personal for me but not my two sisters. They donât realize that Iâve lived in this house too. We are all close but living with mom in our house is a stronger attachment. They are things and the scrapbook is a fantastic idea. We share ownership of the house but the inside belongs to me. You have helped me put things in a better light. Itâs not the stuff itâs the memories and I hold those in my heart.